Ma Ma Jacquie's Blah Blah Blog

I have rethunked my decision concerning Randy being a serial road-killer, for a few reasons.

• Maybe it's suicide. Ever notice how these crazy rabbits and squirrels wait until your car is just close enough to get them, then race across the street? They look up all suprised (yeah, right) and just freeze right there as if to say, "Come on. Hit me!"

• Maybe it's a juvenile game. I wonder, if we could see into the grassy areas on the side of the street, if we would see a group of teenage chipmonks or rockchucks ;) smoking cigarettes and drinking Mad Dog, waiting for the sound of an oncoming vehicle. They hear the swoosh of the tires and start chanting to Chucky, "Go! Go! Go! Come on, sissy! Do it!" Finally, the hype gets to him, and he makes a mad dash for the other side, just to impress his friends. Sometimes the Chucky's make it, sometimes they don't.

• Maybe it's hormones. I've heard that guy tarantulas will travel great distances to find a new girlfriend each fall. (Guess they don't want to take the same old chick to mom's for Thanksgiving dinner every year.) So, even though they have 200,000 acres of golden yellow grassy hills on their own side of the street, the testosterone just overcomes their sense of reason. They look over there at the 200,000 acres of golden yellow grassy hills on the other side of the street and think that they will find something better over there. (What? Like maybe a girl trantula with 9 legs or something?) Off they go, looking for the perfect girl, traveling about 17 inches per hour. At that rate of speed, it's a pretty sure thing that if there is a car anywhere within 10 miles or so, Casinova will be standing at the pearly gates before the hour is up.

• Maybe it's Divine Appointment. You know. Right place at the right time. Did God orchestrated the whole thing? Put the idea for a road trip in our minds? Caused us to take that very road? Inspired the critter to start his treck at just the right time? Distracted Randy at the precise moment so that he didn't see the little guy crossing the road? Maybe.

So, I said all that to say this: I have given Randy (and all the rest of you who have seeminly murdered innocent road varmints) a Royal Pardon due to the fact that I don't really have all the facts. Let's have a party!!! Varmint stew for everyone!